Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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