glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
