No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
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She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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