He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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