I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She announced her abortion via fbk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
