just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
