I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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