I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
