Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
