Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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