Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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