Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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