I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
