At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Found the puke drawer
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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