Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
