i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Holy shit dude........stairs
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
