Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
