just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
