Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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