you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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