between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
