Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
