Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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