So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
