Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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