I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
