I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
