Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
