I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They took my balls.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
