I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
