I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"