Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

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(404): What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you? http://tfl.nu/4jb3

Replies (22) Good night (9418) Bad night (6243)
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(917): View more from New York City

Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?

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(917): Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties? http://tfl.nu/8a9h

Replies (283) Good night (1272) Bad night (13500)
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(937): View more from Ohio

He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"

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(937): He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night" http://tfl.nu/9y6d

Replies (9) Good night (4059) Bad night (873)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.

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(570): I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking. http://tfl.nu/bpgb

Replies (68) Good night (4439) Bad night (2104)
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(647): View more from Ontario

i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.

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(647): i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces. http://tfl.nu/7l8v

Replies (3) Good night (3338) Bad night (1086)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.

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(503): I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours. http://tfl.nu/1oq1

Replies (3) Good night (1563) Bad night (602)
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(302): View more from Delaware

seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.

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(302): seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one. http://tfl.nu/f1ae

Replies (6) Good night (1089) Bad night (746)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.

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(570): God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today. http://tfl.nu/74x0

Replies (5) Good night (1093) Bad night (560)
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(765): View more from Indiana

I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus

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(765): I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus http://tfl.nu/x9kg

Replies (3) Good night (1135) Bad night (544)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

I thank god almighty everyday

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(918): We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas (1-918): I thank god almighty everyday http://tfl.nu/mbi3

Replies (18) Good night (1470) Bad night (490)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.

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(614): I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help. http://tfl.nu/pypk

Replies (1) Good night (279) Bad night (629)
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(678): View more from Georgia

No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!

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(678): No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing! http://tfl.nu/2stv

Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (263)
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(917): View more from New York City

Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum

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(917): Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum http://tfl.nu/namq

Replies (1) Good night (297) Bad night (254)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.

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(601): If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass. http://tfl.nu/tjid

Replies (6) Good night (466) Bad night (382)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.

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(306): no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag. http://tfl.nu/bx17

Replies (0) Good night (588) Bad night (220)

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