Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.