I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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