u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever