We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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