If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
