Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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