i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Couch. On fire.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
