thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
