i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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