just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
