Swine flu. Run for my life!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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