I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
