ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well I just put wine in my tea
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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