dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
