cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
