don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
