I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
