Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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