new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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