i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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