I'm jealous of your bromance
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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