you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
