Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
