I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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