Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize