He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
