I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
