so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
