If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
