Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
