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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.

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• (518): View more from New York

  after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him

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• (716): View more from New York

  I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?

  (1-906): View more from Michigan

  It's okay.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.

  (925): View more from California

  "half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.

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• (949): View more from California

  I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress

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• (564): View more from Washington

  Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .

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