And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Welp...herpes.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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