i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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