I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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