he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This toilet bowl is my home.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
