I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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