Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
