Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
