Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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