I'm so fucking centered right now
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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