so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
