Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
