my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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